


i know heaven's a thing (i go there when you touch me, honey)

by loubellcher



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: AU, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Idiots in Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, i mean there will be smut eventually but nothing offensive i hope???, not doctors au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-01-21 12:50:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loubellcher/pseuds/loubellcher
Summary: After Connor and Ava end their relationships, they both decide that 'casual' might be a good thing. In which, Connor and Ava are friends with benefits.
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Connor Rhodes, Connor Rhodes & Hailey Upton, Connor Rhodes/Ava Bekker, Hailey Upton & Ava Bekker, Will Halstead & Connor Rhodes, Will Halstead & Hailey Upton
Comments: 19
Kudos: 37





	1. who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?

**Author's Note:**

> as i said on tumblr, i have no self-respect neither control so here's a new fanfic. this fanfic is also my NaNo project, which means i'll write on it daily (but i'll be posting on Sundays).
> 
> also, every chapter title is a title or an excerpt of a song, in every NA at the end, i'll put the lyrics!

When Ava enters Connor's Upper East Side apartment, she finds the lights off and all the curtains drawn. It's 7:30 AM, but the whole place is sunk in deep, almost frightening pitch. Ava looks around, waiting for any sign of him, any sign of life. 

There's nothing out of place, and it scares her a little. Connor is one of the messiest people she has ever met, and it always pisses her off, but right now, it would be a relief to see one of the Ralph Lauren shirts tossed on the arm of the couch.

"Connor?" She calls for him, waiting for some answer. Anything.

Afraid, Ava climbs the stairs two steps at a time and reaches his bedroom door. She opens it slowly, and soon she sees her best friend lying face down, with the worst of the expressions. 

"You scared the shit out of me," she mumbles, getting close to him. "I thought you were dead. It's been two days since you talked to me."

"I didn't have the strength to talk to you."

Ava notices the emptiness of the bed next to Connor.

"Where's Kate?"

Connor sighs. And for some reason, his chest hurts. It's as if his ribs squeeze everything inside him. He didn't think he would feel like this again.

"What? Did something happen?" Ava sits on the edge of the bed, running her hand over Connor's black strands of hair. His hair is a little oily, but she knows this is not the time to talk or joke about it.

"She broke up with me."

Ava scowls, "I'm sorry."

"It gets worse. I proposed to her at her favorite restaurant, with dozens of people staring at us. And then she says she can't accept it because she fell in love with someone else."

"Oh my God," Ava whispers.

"She fell in love with her dentist." Connor sinks his face into the pillow, and his next sentence comes out muffled. "Who the fuck falls in love with their own dentist?"

"I'm so sorry, Con."

He raises his head and frowns at the blonde. There is almost no light, but her two hazel eyes are like flashlights in the darkness.

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No. I came here to do this with you. Today is Wednesday, you know our tradition."

"I think blueberry muffins can make me feel better."

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

Within minutes, he gets out of bed and puts on his clothes. However, as he does that, everything in his body hurts: his arms, his legs, even his shoulders remain sore from all the tension in them. No one has told him that when your heart breaks, everything inside you breaks too.

Connor goes downstairs to find Ava in the lobby, answering emails on her cell phone. Since she founded her imported coffee company--until today, he remembers the very moment she came up with this idea--Connor has never seen his friend without the iPhone next to her, as if it was a vital organ outside her body. 

“Ready?” She asks without looking at him. Her eyes are focused on the few inches screen.

"Yeah, but are you going to be on your cell phone all the time?" He replies, calling the elevator at the same moment.

"You're a person who makes money on technology, you’re not in the position to judge me," Ava protests, but she puts her phone in her purse.

“My technology company is not interested in pushing people away,” Connor replies. They both enter the elevator, and he presses the button for the ground floor.

In his junior year of college, Connor had a idea for a software that could help sick people finding cheaper and specific medicine according to their medical records. This is was the beginning of an ascending career. He never said anything, but something inside Ava tells her he is a billionaire. Yeah, that’s right. With a b. 

(Also, she read an article in Forbes that said he was a b.)

"You're so dramatic," she mumbles, stripping off her denim shirt. It's August, and the weather is hot and humid. "But that's okay, you have every right."

"Because I just finished an eight-year relationship?"

"Yeah, that's it.” As soon as they leave the elevator, Ava does a badly done ponytail. “I mean, you're not the only one between us who just broke up, but you're a Cancer. You need the drama to get out of this. ”

“Wait… Did you break up with Peter? Why?” Connor questions. They now leave his building, and start walking toward their favorite pastry shop.

“Ah, you know. Irreconcilable differences. I saw Pete at a job, but he didn't.” Ava jokes, but deep down, she's hurt. Her four-and-a-half year relationship ended because the guy she learned to love turned into a parasite who faithfully believed that his band--The Broken Lamps--could achieve some success if he just didn't work at all, and spent the day composing and contacting record labels.

But he did none of that. Instead, Pete spent the day smoking weed, watching Tame Impala videos on YouTube and texting Ava asking when she would be home because he really wanted to have sex.

"I'm so sorry," Connor says.

"Don’t be. Pete became my son. I needed to cut the umbilical cord and leave him at a church door. ”

Connor laughs, because this is classic Ava. Joking to disguise how upset she is about this whole situation. Deep down, he knows she's not upset about the breakup, but she's mad at herself for getting so involved with someone who was a leech and was on her way to personal and professional growth.

“Do you know what I'm mad at?” Ava asks and gets an encouraging look from Connor, signaling her to continue. “I was worried when we broke up. I wondered where he would live. I almost, almost, told him to stay in my apartment until he could find a better place.”

“What kept you from doing this?”

“I remembered the times he'd rather be with his bandmates than me. I thought 'fuck him'.”

"You did the right thing," Connor says. The traffic light goes green and they wait on the sidewalk. “Peter was an asshole. He never deserved you. I don't know why you fell in love with him. ”

“I think I was trying to piss my dad off.”

Dad issues. One more thing that strengthens the bond between Ava and Connor.

The traffic light goes red, they cross the street and finally, they are in front of Red Village, their favorite pastry shop on Wednesdays to eat blueberry muffins.

“Get a table. I'll get muffins for us.”

“I want three today.” Connor gets a confused look from Ava. “My eight-year relationship is over. That's me getting over it.”

He sits at a table by the window, and before long, Ava is back with six blueberry muffins, and two cups of coffee. Vanilla latte for him, black coffee for her. Connor looks at their plate and frowns.

“Are you going to have three muffins too?”

“My relationship is over, too.” Ava bites a muffin, and crumbs scatter across the table. “However, I must admit that I was doomed to failure. It just took me a long time to realize that.”

“I'm sick of it.” Connor eats half a muffin, and watches Ava's hazel eyes ask what the hell he meant. “Relationships. I'm tired. I had my heart broken twice. I invested eight years in a relationship for her to trade me for a guy who took her wisdom teeth off.”

“Maybe they were great wisdom teeth.”

“I hate you.”

“What are you going to do? Be a single man forever?”

“Yes. No strings attached, no feelings. From now on, I'm not going to get involved with anyone else. ”

“So, I'm going to be the only woman in your life?” Ava laughs, sipping her coffee.

Connor laughs, “We should have seen this coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Easy they come, easy they go  
I jump from the train, I ride off alone  
I never grew up, it's getting so old  
Help me hold onto you  
I've been the archer  
I've been the prey  
Who could ever leave me, darling?  
But who could stay?"
> 
> Taylor Swift, 'The Archer'


	2. dancing on my own

After three blueberry muffins and two cups of vanilla latte, Connor walked back to his apartment and decided that today is a good day to work from home. And also because he doesn't want any of his employees to even suspect that he's emotionally destroyed. 

Locked in the office, his loneliness is a little more apparent than he would like. In a few minutes, Carlotta will arrive, greet him, ask if he wants something, Connor will say ‘no’ and then she will disappear into the apartment, and his only company will be himself.

As per instinct, he picks up his cell phone and opens Kate's contact, and the next minute, reality hits him. No more Kate and Connor. Now it's just Connor Rhodes, in an apartment too big for him and his frustrated plans.

“Mr. Rhodes?” Carlotta's sweet voice snitches her presence behind the door. She knocks twice and opens. "I’ve just arrived. Do you want something?”

“No, Carlotta, thanks.”

She offers a motherly smile, able to hug Connor and ease his sadness. “It's good to see you out of the bed, Mr. Rhodes.”

“Yeah, it is, indeed,” Connor mutters.

Without warning, Carlotta leaves the office, and he finds himself alone once again. He misses Kate so much that he considers calling her and asking her to be with him again. God, he's considering proposing to her for the second time.

Before he can make a mistake, Connor decides to call Ava. It takes a few minutes, and she answers him. As always, even her tone of voice is hurried and busy.

“Missing me already? Are we going to need a second breakfast?” 

“I need you to stop me from doing something crazy.”

“Isn't that what I've been doing for the last twenty-three years?”

Sometimes Ava and Connor are surprised at how their friendship withstood time and all their pitfalls. Not even when he went to MIT and she stayed in the city to study at NYU, things changed. Somehow, both of them always managed to keep up what they had with the few resources they had. The bond they share has always been intense and lasting.

“A few seconds ago, I thought about calling Kate.”

“Oh my God, don't do that at all. She fell in love with her dentist, Connor, and didn't think twice about ending your relationship. An eight-year relationship, I must point out.” Ava sighs, and Connor can feel the waves of impatience through his cell phone.“ Come to dinner at my apartment tonight, I'll call Will and Hailey. You need this. Be reminded that there is a post-Kate life. ”

“You're right.”

“And you told me an hour ago that you were tired of relationships. So forget about Kate and be a single man. Download Tinder or something.”

“God, no.”

“Okay, so just work on your computer, create an app, I don't know. Just don't call Kate or I'll never talk to you again.”

Connor snorts,“You're very convincing.”

There's no noise, but he knows she's smiling right now, “It's my best trait.”

* * *

It's 6 pm, and Ava convinced herself she needed a glass of wine before she starts dinner to her friends. She sits on the couch with her best friend Pinot Noir in hand, enjoying the silence of her apartment while listening to the entire Upper West Side living and pulsing outside. For some people, New York is very noisy, but there is something about the incessant horns and intrinsic rush of the city that makes Ava thank her parents for choosing the city that never sleeps twenty-three years ago.

The doorbell rings, and she drinks the remaining wine in her glass. Ava gets up to open the door, and is not surprised to see Connor there. He has deep dark circles, his clothes are wrinkled--for God’s sake, is he wearing _sweatpants?_\--and he carries a heavy bag in his hands.

“Why are you here so early?” She asks, leaning against the door as she tries to guess what Connor has in his bag. The smell is strong, and if she doesn't let he in soon enough, the scent of whatever is there will permeate the hallway walls like glue.

"You didn't tell a specific time, so technically, I'm not early or late," Connor argues, entering her best friend's house without asking permission. He goes into the kitchen and leaves the bag on the counter near the stove. “I brought salmon”

“Why did you bring salmon? I already knew what to do for dinner,” Ava complains. She walks into the kitchen and anchors herself at the refrigerator door.

He stares at her blankly.

“Okay, maybe I still didn't know what to do for dinner.”

“You're horrible with last minute plans. That's why I decided to make dinner,” Connor says, taking four salmon fillets, new potatoes, cherry tomatoes, some basil leaves and asparagus out of the bag. “Why don't you keep drinking your wine?”

“How do you know I was drinking wine?”

“The bottle and the glass on the coffee table gave me a clue,” he replies, looking for ovenproof dish.

“I’m lucky you brought salmon. It's a white wine,” Ava says, going into the living room and returning shortly thereafter. "Answer me honestly: did you talk to Kate today?" She asks, pouring the liquid into her glass, and watching her best friend walk around the kitchen with some grace, as if that room belonged to him.

"No, but I had to be very strong to not to," Connor replies, turning on the oven and returning to the counter where he puts the new potatoes in the dish. “I almost texted her asking what I should cook tonight at your place.” He pours a tablespoon of olive oil over the potatoes, making them moist and slippery.

“And that's why you're wearing sweatpants and that old flannel shirt? Are you punishing yourself with those horrible clothes for missing Kate?” Ava asks, a witty smile on her face. Connor stares at her, ready to counter his friend's sentence, but his rigid expression crumbles into a playful smile. “My God, you are smiling. It's almost a miracle. ”

“Why aren't you devastated by your breakup like me?” He asks, placing the pan with the potatoes in the oven.

"Because I wasn't in love with my boyfriend anymore," Ava shoots, and the next minute, she and Connor freeze. 

She already knew she was no longer in love with Peter, but admitting it out loud is brutal and definitive. There is no way for Ava and him to be a couple again. There is no physical connection, much less emotional.

"Wow," Connor mutters.

"Yeah, I know," Ava drinks the rest of the wine and makes a face. First little regret of the day. “But it's good to talk out loud. I think this makes me more comfortable with the fact that I'm single.”

“Maybe now you will find the love of your life,” Connor says, taking the glass from the blonde's hands and pouring himself wine. She makes a dismissive expression, but does not disagree with him. “And then when you find the right guy, you can have me as your maid of honor.”

“Would you wear a dress just for me?”

Connor laughs, “Anything for you.”

“Pinky Promise?” Ava asks, extending her pinky to him. Connor doesn't know if she's talking about him wearing a dress or doing anything for her, but he intertwines his little finger with hers, as they've been doing since they were eight years old.

Fifteen minutes later, when the potatoes start to brown, Hailey and Will arrive at the same time. Ava knows this because she can hear them behind the door arguing about something silly, but they both take it very seriously. When the door opens, Hails is quick to include Ava in the conversation.

"Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon?"

"Fallon," Ava and Connor answer in unison.

"I told you." Hailey displays a victorious smile at the redhead.

"This doesn’t count, you already knew Connor and Ava would give the same answer as you," Will protests, walking into her South African friend's apartment. He gives Ava a quick kiss on the top of her head--he can't help being an affectionate person--and goes over to the dining room table, placing the wine bottles on it. "What is Connor doing in the kitchen?"

"Forget what he is doing at the kitchen, what is Connor doing with these clothes?" Hailey asks, stepping into the kitchen, and staring in amazement at her friend's clothes. “Did Kate see that you left home wearing this?”

Connor lets out a tired sigh, putting the dish of asparagus and potato back into the oven, “Kate and I are no longer together. She broke up with me. ”

Hailey lets out an “oh” and hugs Connor. He accepts the gesture of affection, and soon after they walk away, he realizes that her blue eyes are dying to ask what happened.

“She fell in love with someone else.”

“A dentist,” Will completes, entering the kitchen with an empty glass and picking up the bottle of wine that is on the table there.

“How do you know?” Ava asks.

"Because he told me right after Kate refused his marriage proposal." The redhead shrugs, as if the answer is obvious.

"Did you propose to her?" Hailey widens her eyes. "Oh, Connor, I'm so sorry."

"Did you tell Will before you told me?" Ava questions, arching her eyebrows. "Now that's what I call a betrayal."

Connor feels cornered, and tries to justify his attitude, "Will knew I was going to ask Kate to marry me, he sent me messages asking how it had been and I ended up saying."

"Why Will knew you were going to propose to Kate, but I didn't?” The blonde questions, crossing her arms. Her little frown would be lovely if Connor didn't know she was really hurt.

"Because you don't like Kate," Will replies.

Ava opens her mouth to counter, but in the end, Will is right. She and Kate could never get along or at least find something in common other than Connor. Ava never liked Kate's dominant personality, and Connor's ex-girlfriend never liked how the blonde occupied so many spaces in Con's life. Wherever Kate looked, there was Ava.

"Now you know why," she mutters, leaving the kitchen and returning to the living room.

Hailey sits next to her friend on the couch with the bottle of wine she stole from the kitchen, “We don't need glasses,” she says, drinking straight from the bottle right after.

Ava laughs, “With all this grace, you can understand why so many people fall in love with you.”

Hails smiles smugly, knowing it's true. Since high school, when she came from Greece with her parents, countless people have had a crush or fallen in love with Hailey. She likes the attention and the admiration, but rarely responds to those feelings. Hails doesn't admit that she's a bit masochistic about love, and always falls in love with people who want nothing to do with her. 

“Were you really mad that Connor didn't tell you about the marriage proposal?”

“A little,” Ava whispers, taking the bottle of wine and drinking. "I'm his oldest friend, I wish I had known that."

"Would it change anything?"

"Yeah, I'd tell him not to ask Kate to marry him."

"He wouldn't hear you," Hailey says. She takes the bottle of wine again, and realizes it is empty. “It's Connor, besides being stubborn as a mule, he's a hopeless romantic. He'd propose to Kate sooner or later. ”

Ava sighs, and leans back on the couch, “I don't want to say that to him, but I hope this breakup is for good. Kate doesn't deserve Connor. ”

* * *

They ate salmon, drank the two bottles of wine Will brought and one that Ava had in her liquor cabinet. Hailey and Will had two more silly arguments, they laughed, Avey told about her breakup with Peter, and they laughed a little longer until Hails was the first to say she was leaving because tomorrow she didn't want to be hungover when she went to see her patients--she's a successful vet in Manhattan, and she makes a lot of money from wealthy women worried about their dogs that cost hundreds of dollars.

Will shared a cab with her, though he didn't have to worry about the hangover the other day. He is a 12th grade American literature teacher, and also the author of some children's books--which he wrote under a pseudonym so that none of his students knew about it.

Connor and Ava are the ones who remained. He wants to go home, but his best friend has insisted that he is not sober enough to drive to Upper East Side, so he gives in and decides to sleep in her apartment.

Despite the time, neither of them is sleepy. They sit on the couch, and Connor lays his head on her soft shoulder. Avey's skin smells like almonds, and this is new to him, as he is used to hugging his friend and feeling the smell of apricot.

"You changed your lotion?"

"I changed. Thanks for noticing,” she smiles, closing her eyes and lying her head on the couch. “I bought it at a sale at Neiman Marcus. Forty-eight dollars. ”

Connor closes his eyes, feeling Ava's fragrance soak into his nostrils. And before he can help it, Kate's scent comes to mind. She smelled like vanilla every night before bed.

His cell phone vibrates in his pants pocket.

“Someone texting you at 1 am? Is it a booty call?” Ava laughs at her own joke.

"I have no one for that," he mutters, checking his phone. “It's Kate.”

Ava opens her eyes at the same moment, and stands upright on the couch, “What does she want?”

“She's saying she's going to our--my apartment on Saturday,” Connor swallows hard, “to get some of her stuff.”

“I'm sorry, Connor.” Ava puts a hand on her friend's shoulder, and he sighs tiredly. “Let's go to bed, okay? Tomorrow will be a better day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So far away, but still so near  
(The lights go on, the music dies)  
But you don't see me standing here  
(I just came) to say goodbye"
> 
> Robyn, "Dancing On My Own"


	3. it's nice to have a friend

When Kate ended her relationship with Connor, he didn’t know that the day he would miss her most would be Saturday.

As a kind of tradition, the couple used to make good use of weekend mornings to have brunch together. They went to Café Mogador, Connor ordered Eggs Norwegian, and Kate ordered Blackstone eggs, they drank fresh orange juice and kept each other posted about what had happened to them that week. It was light and comforting and reminded them how good their domestic life was, and that stability didn't mean getting bored.

Now he's sitting on his living room couch at a quarter past eight in the morning, waiting for Kate to show up to pick some of her stuff to her new apartment--he has no idea how she got a place to live so fast, but he gets the impression that if he asks for details he will end up very hurt.

The noise of the elevator that opens is small and hardly resonates around the house, but Connor feels a painful twinge in his heart. He'll see Kate in a few seconds, and doesn't know if he's ready for it.

“There you are.” Kate's voice is a little shaky, and causes Connor to take his eyes off his sneakers and lift them to face his ex-girlfriend. She is still beautiful. Her green eyes look full of life, her black hair, which barely reaches her shoulders, keeps shining at the slightest hint of light in them, and her cheeks remain pink, as if Kate were in a constant state of blush. “Glad you're here. It would be weird to be here without you around. ”

“You lived here for two years,” Connor replies, getting up. 

"But I don't live here anymore, Con." Kate sighs. “Can I go upstairs and get my things?”

“Sure, make yourself at home.”

Kate flashes a great-joke-Connor-your-passive-aggressive-way-moves-me smile and goes to the second floor. Connor watches his ex-girlfriend make her way and decides to follow her. More than sad and hurt, he is angry. 

“How did you get an apartment so fast? Just like that, you had a place to live,” he questions, watching Kate walk into his bedroom closet and pull some hangers out.

"I got lucky," she mutters, throwing her shirts on the bed. Kate goes back to the closet and picks up one of the suitcases. None of her suitcases are hers, but Connor doesn't decide to make a case about it at the moment.

“You got lucky? You're super picky, it took us three months before we found the apartment you thought was perfect, and then you suddenly find a good apartment? You sure are really lucky. ”

“Why are you using that tone? We broke up, Connor, I don't owe you any explanation. I moved on with my life, why don't you do the same?” Kate shouts, throwing her suitcase on the bed so hard that it bounces before it stops.

Connor frowns, "You were having an affair with him, weren't you?"

Kate's cheeks flush even more and she has trouble finding the right words. But there are no right words in any dictionary that can sugarcoat the facts.

"I wasn't having an affair, we went out a few times and I soon realized we weren't working anymore," Kate replies, gesturing needlessly.

"You're lying," Connor countered. The thing about dating a person for 8 years is that you get to know every detail and eccentricity of them. For example, Kate gestures nonstop when telling a lie. And with her hands practically flying, Connor has no trouble spotting Kate's bullshit.

She snorts, giving up, 'We were seeing each other for a year. I wanted to break up with you a long time ago, but I didn’t have the courage to do it. When you proposed to me, I was forced to end our relationship.” Kate knows she's hurting Connor, but decides to put all the cards on the table. “The reason I found an apartment so fast? I'd been rented it for 3 months.”

If Connor was in front of a mirror right now, he'd know how pale he is. His last year with Kate had been nothing more than a lie. A very beautiful lie, with declarations of love all the time and promises of living together forever. A lie so well made and structured that even now, knowing all the information, Connor can't see what hints Kate gave. They talked about marriage, for God's sake, how could there be signs that she was cheating on him?

“I could handle the fact that you fell in love with someone else, but this? Cheat on me for a whole year?” He doesn't notice, but his eyes are teary, and soon the tears will fall. “What if I didn't propose to you? Would you keep cheating on me? Why did you feel so comfortable betraying me and leaving me completely in the dark?”

Kate puts the few clothes she had taken from the closet and stuffs it in her suitcase anyway. She closes it, and leaves before Connor starts asking more questions that get her cornered.

Kate is gone, but her vanilla fragrance sticks in every corner of that room. Connor needs to sit up in bed, dizzy from having his ex-girlfriend so prominently present in his place. He fumbles in his jeans pockets, searching for his phone. When he finds it, he dials Ava's number.

"You'd better be dying," Ava grunts the minute she answers the call.

"Kate was here," Connor shoots, in a shaky, tearful voice. He wipes the tears, but they keep coming. “She was having an affair with him. For a year. A whole fucking year.”

Connor hears a rustle of sheets on the other side, and the sound of slippers slamming against the hardwood floor.

“Are you serious?”

“I feel horrible. I feel worse than horrible. I feel like trash. A whole year seeing another person and I couldn't find it out.”

Ava sighs, “Do you want me to go there? We can have breakfast together. Or brunch, if you let me get some more sleep.”

“I hate this day,” Connor mutters. “If we were still together, in less than an hour we would be at Cafe Mogador. She was going to tell me about her students, and how she loves teaching at NYU-- ”

“I'm already sick,” Ava says. Connor hears the noise of the refrigerator door slamming, and imagines that his friend is getting cold pizza. By speaking with her mouth full in the next few minutes, his theory is confirmed. “I know this was your tradition, but you and I are going to have a new tradition now. I know a place in Midtown that serves brunch, and it's Cuban. It's wonderful, you'll like it. ”

“Okay, I guess. See you in an hour?”

“Of course not,” Ava replies in an offended tone. "Noon. I text you the address. It's our new tradition: We won't eat before 11 AM. Oh, and do yourself a favor, go back to sleep.”

* * *

“I'll want the Mariquitas de Plátano and a Cuban sandwich, please,” Connor asks to the waiter, who writes down everything on the tablet in his hand and leaves soon after. 

It's been fifteen minutes since he's been here, and Ava hasn't shown up yet. He tried to wait for her, but after his stomach complained of hunger, he understood that he needed to order soon.

As if Ava had heard his thoughts, the blonde appears, wearing a peach pink spaghetti strap top and striped pantacourt pants. Her hazel eyes are hidden behind the Ray-Ban round glasses, but she soon puts them on top of her head as she sits in front of her best friend.

“How can you be late for something you set the time for?” Connor asks, folding his arms across the table.

"I overslept," Ava replies, shrugging. She pats her friend's arm. “Someone has been working out lately. Is that a healthy way to handle your breakup?”

“Are you trying to divert the subject so I won't lecture you because you're late?” Connor asks, raising his arm to call the waiter who was there a minute ago.

Ava smiles, “I hate being your friend. You know me too much.”

“Ma’am, good morning, what would you like?” The waiter asks as he reaches their table, smiling much more at Ava than he had before at Connor.

“I would like the tortilla blanca and a coconut mojito,” Ava asks.

“Wow, you’re going to drink already?” Connor judges his friend's choice.

She smiles cynically at him, “You know what? Bring two coconut mojitos. My friend needs to relax.”

“That accent…” The waiter says, analyzing what Ava had just said, “South Africa, isn't it?”

“Thank you,” Ava says excitedly. “People often get wrong, they ask me if I'm Scottish or Irish.”

“The accent looks good on you,” he blinks and leaves their table.

Ava looks at Connor with the best smug look she can keep, “Have you seen this waiter? He wasn't judgmental, he even complimented my accent.”

Connor squints, “It's because you didn't make plans with him and you were late.”

“Uh… grumpy Connor, I'll have to settle for that today.”

"Sorry," he apologizes, sighing. “Being with Kate did this to me.”

Ava leans over the table, and slaps the side of Connor's head.

"Ouch! Why did you do that?” He asks, rubbing his hand against his left temple. “God, why are you so strong?”

“Every time you say Kate's name from now on, I'll slap you. It doesn't matter if it will hurt. You say Kate's name, you’ll get slapped.”

Connor rolls his blue eyes, but smiles. “Fine, I accept it, but if I can't say Kate's name, you're forbidden to say Peter's name.”

“I'm going to make this huge sacrifice of not talking about my ex-boyfriend who was an incomparable leech."

“Can I at least talk how was the encounter with Ka--I mean, my ex-girlfriend, earlier today?”

"You'll get slapped.”

"You said I couldn’t say the name of my ex-girlfriend, you never said I couldn't talk about her.”

Ava snorts,“You have solid arguments, I hate that.”

“Not only was she having an affair with him for a whole year, but she also rented an apartment three months ago. She wanted to leave me, but didn't know how to do that. The marriage proposal was the push she needed.”

Ava raises her eyebrows and widens her eyes, and the words escape from her tongue. For her, Kate had always been a correct person, who followed all the rules, and who would die next to Connor. Now, Ava will redouble her attention to Connor's next girlfriend. She will make sure no other woman breaks her friend's heart for the third time.

“How the hell we were both in two shitty relationships and didn't realize it before?” Ava frowns, “Let's do something tonight. Let's get pretty drunk and forget that we have wasted so many years of our lives with horrible people.”

The two coconut mojitos get to the table, and Ava grabs one drink and reaches the other for Connor. She reaches for a toast, “To the end of shitty relationships”

Connor toasts with Ava, “To the end of shitty relationships”

* * *

“Look at you, you got here on time!” Connor exclaims, just as Ava get off the cab in front of Belle Reve.

"You're the messiest person I know, but I don't bring this up in every conversation," Ava replies, putting the small red purse on her right shoulder.

Connor notices that Ava's wrap dress shows a good part of her thighs, and that the V-neck is quite deep. The navy color contrasts with her friend's white skin, and for a minute all he can think about is how stupid Peter was to let a woman like Ava got away.

Connor smiles at her, "I invited Hailey and Will, but they both had a date."

"We will survive without them." Ava shrugs. “Is the place crowded?”

“A little, but nothing we can't handle,” Connor replies, opening the door for them both. 

The smell of beer and sweat hits their noses, and they both grimace at the same moment. The place has a crowd of people, and the music is loud. The access to the bar is difficult, so the two friends lean against the wall by the door, waiting for any loophole to grab a beer.

“All I wanted to do was get drunk and now I won't even be able to do that,” Ava complains.

“Sorry, this place is never crowded like this. I think it's because of the bands,” Connor replies, screaming, trying to be heard by his best friend.

“I know a place on Bleecker Street that is really cool, we can go there. Drinks are cheap and there's always something, DJ, band, you name it,” Ava shouts as the people around them keep talking and a guy on stage announces the next band.

“Come on then,” Connor accepts. As he and Ava are turning their heels to leave, they hear the announcement of the next band. The Broken Lamps. He stares at his friend, and realizes she is paralyzed. “I didn't know he was going to play here today, I swear.”

“No, that's fine. It's just a horrible coincidence.” Ava swallows, and Connor holds her hand, wanting to get it out of there.

“This next song is called 'What do I do with this heart of mine?' and I wrote it this week, after having my heart broken for the love of my life,” Peter vents into the microphone, and a group of girls near the stage squeaks in solidarity.

"Oh, fuck you," Ava mutters, and Connor takes her out of the place. When they get outside, she takes out her cell phone to ask for an Uber. “That little shit! Talking about being heartbroken? What about me? I had to put up with him for four and a half years being a fucking lazy shit. I should get in there and stick that mic in his--”

“Okay! Okay!” Connor interrupts, “You're mad, I understand. But let's not ruin our night because of it. Let's go to this place you talked about and let's get drunk, okay?”

Ava sighs, resigned, “Alright.”

In ten minutes, they're at Wicked Willy's. Ava orders two margaritas and they sit at a table near the exit. The place is flashing with colorful lights and there is someone singing some 90s hit on stage. Around them everyone seems to be having a good time, laughing, shouting the song along with the singer performing, or being rocked by their own drunkenness.

As soon as the margaritas arrive, Ava drinks half of her drink.

“Calm down,” Connor says, taking her glass away. “You can't drink it all at once or ten minutes from now I'll have to take you back home.”

“He's an asshole!” Ava shouts over all the voices in unison, retrieving her drink and taking one more sip. “How can he say I broke his heart? He didn't even love me anymore, I'm sure. He loved having a place to live without having to pay rent.”

“Why are you so sure he didn't love you anymore?”

“He didn't show love. I think the only declaration of love he often made was texting me asking when I was coming home because he really wanted to have sex with me.”

Connor arches his eyebrows,“And they say romance is dead.”

“Can I confess something?” Ava asks and sees her best friend nodding. “When he texted me that he wanted to have sex with me, I stayed at work until late on purpose.” She laughs and Connor follows her. “I haven't had sex in six months, thanks to that.”

He laughs, but soon after he dissolves his laugh when he realizes the same thing happened to him. He and Kate hadn't had sex in three months. She was always tired, had a headache, or had some place to be the other day early.

“Wow, now it all makes sense,” he shoots and Ava furrows her brows. “Kate stopped having sex with me 3 months ago. Do you know what that means? It's about the same time she already had somewhere else to live.”

“She must be having sex all the time in the new apartment,” Ava concludes, and sees her friend grimace sadly. “Come on, don't be sad. You're a single man now, you can have sex with anyone you want. No strings attached, no feelings.” The blonde drinks the rest of her margarita and looks around the bar. “There are so many girls here that would die to have sex with you.”

“I'm not ready for that yet.”

“Alright, alright,” Ava accepts, calling the waitress. “But I hope you're ready to drink some more.”

By three in the morning, they have all the possible fun they could have. They drink tequila shots, risk singing 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' in karaoke, yell along with the band singing 'I Hate Everything About You', and decide to drink other drinks from the menu. Ava takes the stage between bands and shouts 'Fuck you, Peter!' and everyone howls in support as Connor takes her away.

At three-fifteen, they're at their Uber, at three-thirty-six, they're at the elevator, going to Connor's penthouse, giggling like two teenagers who are drinking for the first time. At three-forty, they are sitting on the couch in front of Connor's bed, sharing the bottle of champagne he had kept to celebrate his engagement--which never happened--with Kate.

"That was a fun night," Connor reveals, drinking straight from the bottle. He leans back on the couch, and Ava does the same. “I managed to forget Kate for a few hours.”

“Good, that was the point,” Ava says, taking the bottle and leaving on the floor. 

Ava rests her chin on Connor's shoulder, and he stares at her. His blue eyes are confused and unable to focus on her, but the almond scent coming from Ava confirms to him that she is there. And he doesn't know if it's the drink, the loneliness, or just his friend's revealing dress that motivates him to take the next step.

He kisses her. And Ava doesn't stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Light pink sky up on the roof  
Sun sinks down, no curfew  
Twenty questions, we tell the truth  
You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too  
Something gave you the nerve  
To touch my hand  
It's nice to have a friend"
> 
> Taylor Swift, 'It's Nice To Have A Friend'


	4. friends don't kiss friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo there's a light smut in the beginning, if you don't feel comfortable reading these parts you can skip to the part where it says 'You're right'

Maybe it _is_ a dangerous combination of drink and loneliness.

Maybe it is the involuntary celibacy they faced.

Or maybe it was always a wish that was there, in the back of their minds, waiting for the right time to explode in them. 

Be there as it may, this is where Connor and Ava are right now: his hands under her dress, clenching her thighs and making sure that his fingerprint stays on her, even for milliseconds. Ava's tongue in his mouth is soft, tastes like tequila and leaves him in a state of numbness that makes him forget that he's not kissing a girl he met at the bar, he is kissing his best friend. It's his best friend's hands that are running through his hair. It's his best friend's mouth that nibbles his bottom lip and makes him laugh softly. It's her best friend's neck where he leaves a trail of kisses.

Connor's soft lips on Ava's neck make her let out a low moan, like a secret whispered. Something that can only be shared between them. They are aware of their hands everywhere, their undivided lips, a desire that grows by the minute and while it is sated, it does not seem enough for them to end this moment.

Connor puts Ava on his lap, her knees touching each side of his waist, pressing their hips against each other. She notices his latent erection against her panties, and smiles, smug and victorious. His hands slide to Ava's ass, while her mouth meets his neck. He lets out a loud, breathy sigh.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Ava's murmured voice tickles Connor's ear. “We're friends.”

“Yeah, we shouldn't be doing this,” Connor mumbles back, kissing Ava again. It's better than last time and he has the feeling that he'll ignite at any moment. "Let's go to bed," he whispers, his lips touching hers.

Ava gets off Connor's lap, and pulls him by the collar of his shirt so that he gets up. They stagger to the bed, and she lies down with her best friend on top. Connor unwraps Ava's dress, discovering what it's like to look at the person he has known for twenty-three years in black and lace underwear.

“Do you always dress well under your clothes?” He asks, kissing her once more.

"Yes," Ava replies, laying Connor on the bed, and getting on top of him. She takes off the rest of her dress, and watches his hands roam her torso until they meet her breasts. He squeezes one of them, and Ava bites her lower lip. “Why am I the only one without clothes?”

“Let's get this sorted.” Connor stands, taking off his shirt. Once the garment joins Ava's dress on the floor, he takes the opportunity to hug her waist and plant another kiss on her neck. "We should have done this a long time ago," he whispers against Ava's ear as he unhooks her bra.

As soon as her breasts are uncovered, Ava feels Connor's hot tongue on her right nipple, while his hand continues to massage her left breast, and his thumb plays with her nipple. His name comes out in a groan, and Connor smiles as he hears Ava calling--no, _begging_ for him.

When Ava pulls Connor's hair and looks into his blue eyes, her senses are recovered and she realizes what just happened. Her heart beats loudly, hammering against her chest. Her whole body begs her to continue, but her rational side is much more prevalent than she would like. Even drunk, she knows they can't go on.

“Connor, we need to stop before it's too late.”

“Why? We're having fun,” he replies, kissing her neck again. 

“Because we are friends.” Ava pulls Connor away, and he sighs, a little defeated. “I don't want to do anything we can regret later. I think we should stop here.”

“You're right.”

Ava gets off Connor and crawls to one side of the bed, lying on her stomach and hugging the pillow, “But I'm going to sleep here. I'm not in a position to go home now.”

Connor nods, and takes off his pants, lying next to Ava. He stares at her brown eyes, which can't focus on any trace of his face, and smiles. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that tomorrow--when he wakes up sorry and with a paralyzing hangover--her face will be the first one he will see in the morning. 

“Can we live with ourselves tomorrow when we remember what we just did?” Ava ponders. Her eyes are almost closing, but Connor knows she's still awake.

"I hope so," Connor whispers. He approaches her friend, drawing random, endless lines on Ava's back, feeling her skin crawl at the recognition of his touch.

"Kate missed a lot by breaking up with you," Ava concludes, before falling into a deep sleep.

"I can't say the same about myself," Connor says, seconds before falling asleep next to his best friend.

* * *

The sunbeams that flood Connor's room through the cracks in the curtains, and touch his pillow-smashed face, are like fingers in the air, accusing and intimidating. The morning sun heralds a new day, full of hangovers and regrets.

Connor opens his eyes, then frowns, annoyed at being involuntarily awakened. He gets up quickly to close the curtains, and when he turns his heels back to bed, he sees half naked Ava lying on his mattress. It's ten seconds of doubt until memories of the last night come to mind, like lightning striking a tree. He blushes, remembering where his hands and mouth were. God, he'll never look at Ava the same way again. His headache intensifies, throbbing in both temples.

He goes to his closet, puts on sweatpants, and wears an old, stained T-shirt. In quick steps, he leaves the room, and goes down to the kitchen. He doesn't want him to be the first thing Ava will see when she wakes up. He prefers her to deal with shame on her own, having time to think about what happened.

In the kitchen, he rests his elbows on the counter and hides his face in his hands. Shit, shit, shit. He lost Kate, and now has a chance of losing Ava. He would understand completely if she decided not to see him anymore. They had never crossed this line. In so many years of friendship, they didn't even kiss much less have sex. And now, they have crossed the line. More than that, the line has disappeared. It is a mere stroke drawn in chalk on a sidewalk.

Connor decides to make coffee so that he will at least be distracted and not be contaminated with self-defeating thoughts. While handling the coffee maker, he hears noises upstairs, announcing that Ava has just woken up. Connor swallows, waiting for her to enter the kitchen, and the embarrassment will become so palpable that it will be possible to touch it.

“Can you make an _espresso_ for me?” Ava's voice comes from the kitchen door. Connor doesn't turn to face her, which causes Ava to raise her eyebrows, a little offended. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, yes, I'll make you an _espresso_ right now,” Connor mutters in response, but again doesn't look at her.

Ava enters the kitchen, barefoot gently slapping against the hardwood floor, and stands beside Connor. He swallows once more, feeling a tension grow to the point of enveloping them in a suffocating bubble. “Are you going to look me in the eye or do we have to have sex for real?”

Connor widens his eyes, and finally looks at Ava. She has a mocking smile on her face, and that's enough to break the tension. She's not embarrassed and doesn't even find this whole moment strange, she's probably making fun of the situation inside her sarcastic little head.

“Last night was…”

“It was good,” Ava completes.

“Was it?”

She shrugs, “Yeah, we got drunk and had some fun. There is nothing bad or embarrassing about it. Eventually, that would happen, like Will and Hailey. We just didn't go that far.”

“Wait… Will and Hailey?”

“You didn't know?” Ava laughs. “They had sex on New Year's Eve. Hailey says it was good, but she and Will would never do it again. Once was enough.”

“And I was worried about our friendship.” Connor puts a cup in the coffee machine and pushes the espresso button, watching the dark, hot liquid drip.

“You don't have to worry. It was good, I just interrupted because we were both drunk and it could be something we could both regret. Now that I'm sober, I see it was no big deal.” Ava accepts the cup of coffee Connor offers her. “I regret drinking so much, though. My head is killing me,” she mutters, taking the first sip.

“Don't even tell me, I feel everything is hurting.”

Ava bites her bottom lip, and leaves her cup on the counter, “You know if yesterday wasn't bad, and I didn't regret it, nor do you, I don't think it would be bad if we did other times.”

Connor arches his eyebrows. He opens his mouth, not knowing what to say, “Are you saying you'd like to have sex with me occasionally?”

Ava shrugs, “Why not? We're both single, we're best friends, which means we have enough intimacy between us to say what's good and what's not, when to stop or when to continue. I see no disadvantages.”

“Aren't you afraid that his could ruin our friendship?”

“Why would it ruin? ”

“I don't know, what if you're bad at sex?” Connor mocks, his eyes teasing Ava.

Ava lets out a loud, loud laugh, “Me? Bad at sex? Why do you think Peter begged so hard to have sex with me?”

Connor smirks, “I don't know, Ava. Sounds like the kind of bullshit that would end a friendship like ours. And why are you suggesting this? It was you who interrupted our… moment.”

“I told you, I interrupted because we were drunk. But now, sober, we can look at this situation with more reasonable eyes.”

“Do I need to give you an answer now?”

“No, of course not. I want you to think about it for real. And then you give me an answer.”

* * *

“… Is it like you're friends with benefits?” Will asks as he opens the beer bottle and sits next to Connor on the couch.

The sun is setting slowly, lazily, as if even he knows today is Sunday. Connor's living room is bathed in a light that moves between orange and yellow, excluding the need to light any lamps. 

“I think so.”

“I'd take it.” Will takes a sip of beer and leans back on the couch. “You just broke up a relationship, and so did Ava. You both need something to clean the palate.”

“I know, but it seems wrong. Looks like I'm using Ava.”

“She suggested it.”

“I know, but still.” Connor takes a slice of pizza from the box on his coffee table, and bites the tip. “What if things take an unexpected turn? And by unexpected, I mean, what if we end up messing up?”

“You have to try. I think it's gonna be fun, and I think you're worrying for nothing. Ava would never make a big deal out of it. Come on, man. Have sex your best friend.”

Connor laughs at words he never thought would be addressed to him, but he still considers what Will said. He and Ava can make the most of it. They are single, have not had sex for months, and are best friends. Nothing could go wrong.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Everybody's asking what you are to me  
Believe me, if I knew that I would tell them  
All I know is there's nowhere I'd rather be  
But where do we go now"
> 
> Emily Burns, 'Friends Don't Kiss Friends'


	5. do we take that risk?

"Sir, it's 18 dollars and 50 cents," the Red Village cashier barista repeats the sum total of the six blueberry muffins and the two coffees Connor had bought.

"Oh yes, I'm sorry, I got distracted," Connor replies, taking twenty dollars from his pocket and handing it to him. "You can keep the change."

Connor balances the two cups of coffee on the plate with the muffins, and when he reaches the table, he almost drops what he was bringing. Luckily, he was faster. 

He looks at the door, expecting some sign from Ava, but so far nothing. She texted five minutes ago saying 'I'm coming', but Connor is wise enough to know that means she was leaving home at that time. He wants to wait until Ava arrives to eat one of the muffins, but at the same time, he's starving. It's only half past seven in the morning and his stomach growls like he had been two days without eating.

She arrives sixteen minutes later, wearing a white T-shirt, high-waisted denim shorts, and a light blue blazer, along with Nike's whiter sneakers. Ava is almost a… heavenly sight. “Sorry for my delay. You know, traffic, it took me a long time to pick an outfit and…”

“…you started work as soon as you woke up and you got distracted.”

She smiles, the two corners of her mouth turned up, like a fox's smile. “You know me.”

“Clearly.” Connor checks Ava's clothes once again. “Are you wearing denim shorts to go to work?”

“I have a pair of jeans in my bag. It's summer, Connor, I have to improvise.” Ava grabs a muffin and bites a piece. Once again crumbs fall across the table. "So, you said our breakfast together today was _indispensable_." She rolls her eyes. “You are such a show off using these words that we learn in Vocabulary class.”

“I am not a show off.” He frowns in protest. He always frowns. Ava is an expert in knowing what each one means. “Besides, I couldn't find a better word to define the urgency of our breakfast.”

“You could have said I couldn't miss it at all.”

“I don't know, too many words for one sentence.” Connor gets a first smile from Ava and that motivates him to continue. “I thought a lot about what you said on Sunday. About being friends with… benefits.”

“No plural. _Benefit_. And the benefit is sex.”

Connor looks around to make sure no one has heard Ava. “You had to say that out loud, didn't you?”

“I wanted to see if you would be shy.” Ava bites her bottom lip, holding a laugh. She takes a sip of the cold coffee (and this is kind of her fault), and waits for Connor to stop turning red. “Will you give me an answer? Yes or no?”

Connor clears his throat, “My answer is yes to our… benefit exchange. But I have some conditions.”

Ava rolls her eyes, “Of course you have.”

“No feelings. We're just going to love each other like friends.”

“My God, you're so tacky,” Ava mutters as she hears Connor say a sentence worthy of being in some Nora Roberts book.

“No cuddling until we sleep after we had sex. No kisses after we have sex. Before and during is fine, but after…” Connor scowls, “people who are dating do that. We must always be open about what we can do and what we cannot. No telling other people what we're doing except Hailey and Will.”

“I agree with everything you said. Anything else?” Ava asks, biting the muffin and leaving only half.

“We can't talk about each other's performance the next day.” Connor swallows, shy again. He never thought he'd be talking about sex in such a formal and contractual way at his favorite coffee shop.

“Not even if the performance was very good?”

“Not at all.”

“Okay, like I said, I agree with everything you just said, but I want to add something.” Ava notices Connor's slight nod and proceeds. "One year. We will be friends with benefits for a year. It is long enough for us to clear our heads and then search for the love of our lives. If there is anyone.”

Connor stretches his hand across the table. “Deal.”

Ava shakes his friend's hand. “Deal.”

“Do you think it's going to be weird?” Connor asks, taking a napkin from the table and tearing it into small pieces. Ava hates when he does this because the table always gets messy. He can't leave anything in order for more than twenty minutes.

“We had sex on Saturday. I mean, almost that, and it wasn't weird. You almost didn't look right at me the other day, but everything went well,” Ava teases and Connor can tell by the way her brown eyes are glowing in a mocking way. This is all being so much fun for her.

“I think we should get used to and be comfortable with each other without clothes before actually having sex,” Connor suggests hesitantly. “To not be surprised.”

“I can't believe it, Con, you're making the process of sex completely bureaucratic. Tomorrow you'll suggest we sign a contract, ” Ava complains, and notices Connor arching his eyebrows. "Don’t! If you suggest we sign anything, I'll stab you with a pen.”

“Fine. No contracts. But I'm serious about the part of being comfortable with each other. So, do you want to have dinner at my place tonight?”

“I’ll accept that.”

“Great, bring pizza. It's the least romantic thing I can think of for a dinner.”

* * *

“Oh my God, why did I become friends with this giant nerd?” Ava wonders in whispers as she enters Connor's apartment and listens to the 'Indiana Jones' music theme played by an orchestra, blasting. She presses the pizza box against her waist, making her way to the kitchen. Connor stands in front of the fridge, grabbing two bottles of beer. “Really, Connor? An orchestra playing Indiana Jones? I'm very close to giving up on having sex with you.”

“You're being picky for someone who has dated a pothead for four and a half years,” Connor replies, closing the fridge and setting the beer on the counter while Ava puts the pizza box.

"Rude, but true." Ava shrugs, sitting on one of the stools in front of the counter.

Connor looks at Ava's black silk spaghetti strap dress, navy blue blazer, and matching pointed pumps. She never wears necklaces or earrings, but today she is strangely wearing both. “You look fancy. Where were you?”

Ava smiles smugly. “On a date.”

“What?” Connor arches his eyebrows, a little uncomfortably. He leaves the kitchen, heading for the living room, and Ava follows him. “What about our agreement?”

“That was my last date before we started our project. He had invited me a long time, but well, I was dating Peter. I decided to give it a try.”

“And how did it go?” Connor asks, hoping Ava's answer is that this was the worst date of her life in all of her nearly thirty-one years of life. He turns off the music, and hears a sigh of relief from his best friend.

Ava gets barefoot and opens one of the beers. "Boring. Ugh, I don't know. He could only talk about himself. Remind me to never date someone from Connecticut again.”

Connor smiles, “Sure.”

“So, do you still want to see me naked? I have to warn you, I'm not wearing my best underwear,” Ava says, sitting on the couch, and placing the pizza box next to her.

“You told me you always dress well under your clothes”

“I guess I already had a feeling it wasn't worth wearing my La Perla lingerie with that guy, and I just wore the first thing I saw. Besides, you are the one who is going to see me without clothes. I don't have to put too much thought on this.”

Connor laughs, sitting across the pizza. “Why did you go on this date even knowing everything was about to go wrong?”

“I needed to be sure. You know how I am. I hate to wonder and wonder what would have happened if I had done such a thing,” she replies, grabbing a slice of pizza and watching the cheese stretch, like a thread on a reel that keeps rolling out. 

“I needed to make sure Kate was the love of my life, and look what happened. I spent eight years with someone who saw no problem in betraying me.”

Ava slaps Connor's head. “It's still on.”

“You're mean,” Connor complains, frowning. This time, it means he's a little angry. 

“So, let's do this?” Ava asks, getting up and taking off her blazer, revealing her sunburnt shoulders (she doesn't know how she got burned in just one afternoon, but it's the price you pay for forgetting about sunscreen).

Connor's eyes widen, "Now?"

"If not now, when?" Ava stares at Connor, and he nods, a little hesitant. She takes the dress by the spaghetti straps, and it slides through her body to find the floor, revealing her purple bra and panties. 

"This is not your best underwear?" Connor asks as he tries to ignore the rush of blood that has risen all over his body. He is pretty sure he has a fever.

"Of course not." Ava grimaces and soon after, scoffs. "What kind of lingerie Kate was wearing to you?"

"I don’t want to talk about it now." Connor takes off the white shirt, and realizes Ava giving a satisfied smile. "It's just like you remember?"

"No, better." She laughs, pinching his belly. "Come on, get rid of your pants."

Connor stands up too, and takes off his jeans, leaving only his boxers and sees Ava chuckle. “I can tell you're happy with the situation.”

“Very.” Ava assesses Connor, and her skin burns as she realizes she's sober and seeing her half-naked friend. He was right after all. _It's_ a little weird. “I hate to admit it, but you were right, we needed to be comfortable with each other's nudity before getting laid. I should have done this to Peter.”

“Why?” Connor asks, sitting back down. He takes a sip of beer and tries to ignore the fact that Ava is only in her underwear in front of him.

“I can't believe I'll tell you that.” Ava tilts her head back, and a glimpse of Saturday night hits Connor's memories. Four days ago, he was leaving a trail of kisses on her neck. She looks back at him, her face red. “His dick was crooked.”

Connor lets out a loud laugh that invades every room in that apartment. Somehow, for some reason, he feels avenged. “Which side?”

“Right.” Ava laughs, rolling his eyes at the same time. “He ruined it for me.”

“I'm having so much fun.”

“Now it's your turn. I told you something embarrassing about Peter, it's your turn to tell something about Kate. It could be anything. One boob bigger than the other, one thigh thicker than the other.”

Connor thinks for a moment, trying to find some flaw, but apparently Kate is perfect. “Sorry, but there's nothing. Kate was flawless.”

Ava sneers, “Sure.”

“What? I'm serious.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, get up. Let's play Wii, I want to see how far your fitness goes.”

It's like a normal night between them. They play Wii, Ava is a winner in every sport, they eat the whole pizza and drink three beers. She takes the opportunity to talk a little more about Peter, how he was an asshole, and how blind she was when it comes about him. They talk about their work, even though Connor doesn't understand anything about coffee, nor does Ava understand anything about technology and software. Ugh. He really is a giant nerd. They have fun as they have been doing for 23 years, and then, they get used to look at each other without clothes. After a few hours, it’s natural.

“I found a flaw in Kate. She never did that with me,” Connor says, sitting on the living room floor, eating a whole cheesecake with Ava.

"What? Play Wii and _talk_?”

“Yeah, stuff like that. I don't think I had fun with her anymore. Now that the sadness has gone, I can see that the signs that our relationship was failing were there. She was no longer my girlfriend, she was my roommate.”

“Oh my God,” Ava whispers, shocked.

“What's up?” Connor asks, concerned.

“You're healing,” Ava sneers, and Connor giggles. She takes a piece of cheesecake with her fork and puts it in her mouth. “But are you still mad that she cheated on you for a year with her dentist?”

“Furious.”

Ava looks at Connor, and feels something rising in her heart. Tenderness, a willingness to protect him and not let anything hurt him anymore. It's calm, warm, enveloping her body without seeming urgent or suffocating her. The kind of feeling that makes sure that love gives very clear signals. “I think this is going to be an amazing year.”

Connor smiles, being embraced by Ava's optimism and affection, “Yeah, I think so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The anticipation before the kiss  
Mirrored in my shaking lips  
Oh God I feel so unprepared  
The two of us so out of place  
My feelings written on my face  
Got what I want but now I'm scared"
> 
> Lauren Aquilina, 'Fools'


	6. maybe we could go get lost tonight

"You are ready?" Connor yells from the sofa in Ava's apartment, switching channels impatiently, unable to find something that interests him for more than two minutes.

"Almost there."

"You said that twenty minutes ago."

"It's your fault for believing."

Connor rolls his eyes, and gives up on finding something to watch. He sprawls across the couch, and takes his cell phone out of his jeans pocket. Hailey and Will are arguing about something useless in their group text. Connor gives up trying to know what it is and just ask if one of them has already arrived at Leah Brooks' party on the terrace of her building. As expected, Hailey replies that neither of them is there, but she is in the cab, almost arriving.

He leaves the text page and opens Instagram, and the first photo that pops up on the screen is a selfie of Kate with her dentist, or rather, her new boyfriend. The sun bathes their faces, just as it is bathing Ava's living room right now. 

Connor blinks a few times, looking at the location of the photo. Oh no.

“Ava, do you still want to go to Leah's party? We haven't spoken to her properly in a while, I don't know if it makes sense to go.”

"What? Now that I’m ready you don’t want to go anymore?” Avey asks, appearing in the living room in a denim skirt over a blush silk shirt, with almost all the buttons open, revealing her black lace bra. She would be even more fatal if she decided to put on heels, but instead she is wearing dark, heavy boots, the type of footwear unsuitable for a summer night.

"Wow, you tried so hard for tonight."

"Unlike you," she says, looking at his light jeans along with his slightly worn plaid shirt and dark, traditional Vans sneakers.

"What did you want? That I put on a suit or something? ”

"Of course." Ava exchanges glances with Connor, and realizes that something is bothering him. "What happened? Why don't you want to go to that party anymore?”

"Kate is there... with _him_."

Ava raises her eyebrows, dissatisfied with the answer. She should have guessed that Leah would call Kate, since they became almost best friends after Ava added Leah to her circle of friends. “It was going to happen sooner or later. There is no reason for you to chicken out. New York is huge, but at one point or another you will run into Kate. There is nothing we can do, so get off of my couch and let's go to this party.”

Connor rolls his eyes, but gets up, "You suck."

"Yeah, I know, you should have stopped talking to me a long time ago," she replies, taking the keys and heading out with him.

* * *

When they arrive at Leah's terrace, the sun is still imposing. Ava and Connor look for Hailey and Will and find them in the corner of the party. As they approach the two, Will hands each a glass of beer, "You better not waste any time."

"Thanks, I'm going to need it tonight," Connor replies, drinking half the beer.

"So, you saw the picture," Hailey concludes.

"I think everyone saw it," Ava says, a note of contempt evident in her voice.

“Do you think she did it on purpose? Did she post the photo and put the location so I would know? Something like 'I dare you to be in the same place as me'? Kate never put the location on our photos. She was always paranoid about it.”

“Maybe that was her intention, but well, you are here. Which means you won this battle,” Hailey says.

Connor drinks the rest of the beer from his glass, "I need another drink."

He goes to the small table where the bottles are and puts rum and grape juice in the same glass. He doesn't want to know what taste is going to come out of it, he just needs to numb his feelings before he finally gives in and leaves, letting Kate win.

"My God, you drink like a teenager at their first party," Kate's voice comes from behind him, and Connor needs to swallow hard before turning his heels and looking at her. When he does, she smiles, friendly. “I'm glad to see you. I was afraid that you would get depressed and close yourself off from everything.”

"You don't have all that power."

Kate laughs, "That's not what I meant."

Connor locks eyes with Ava, in an unspoken plea for help, “So, you brought your new boyfriend to the party, I think you're no longer ashamed to let others know that you were cheating on me. For a year. And renting an apartment for months.”

Kate's laugh fades and she clears her throat, "I can't hide David forever."

“David? Is that his name? Huh.”

"I'll never ask you to get me a drink again," Ava comes into the conversation, taking the glass from Connor's hand and putting her arm around his shoulders. In a reflex, he puts his arm around her waist. Avey stares at his best friend's ex-girlfriend, "Oh, hi, Kate, good to see you."

"Hi, Ava." Kate looks at the two embraced, and raises an eyebrow. "I guess I'm not the only one who is no longer ashamed to let others know about my current relationship."

“You always interpreted our friendship with bad eyes. It's a shame, because if you hadn't been the person you were, we could have been great friends,” Ava replies, taking Connor by the hand. "Come on, Will and Hailey are waiting for us."

Ava lets go of Connor's hand, but he puts his arm over her shoulders, bringing her closer, "You are amazing, I’m very lucky to meet you."

She smiles, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "I'm the lucky one."

'Pilot With A Fear Of Heights' starts playing and Ava pulls Connor to where most people are dancing, "I know, I know, you're a bad dancer, but I love this song."

Connor twirls her around, hearing a loud laugh emanating from her, "The things I do for you, Ava Bekker."

She gives up dancing and takes a sip of the drink he made and makes a face, "How much rum did you put in that?"

"A lot, apparently."

"You really wanted to get drunk," she says, raising her eyebrows to the glass. Ava looks over Connor's shoulder, and sees Kate and David kissing. "Don't look now or you will hate yourself for the rest of your life."

Connor swallows, "She's kissing him, isn't she?"

Ava nods.

"This party is going to be awful," he decrees, taking the glass from Ava's hand and drinking it all.

* * *

“I knew you could do it!” Hailey screams after she, Connor and Ava watch Will drink a can of beer faster than the other three contestants. 

"I got it!" Will screams in a hushed voice.

"I'm so proud of you," Ava laughs, a little drunk, but nothing to worry about. She looks at Connor beside her, "Do you want to play beer pong?"

The sky is now dark and clear, dotted with stars everywhere. The beating wind is refreshing, making this a perfect summer night.

"No, let's go get another beer and talk somewhere else," he says near her ear, as Will, Hailey and the other guys started screaming for another challenge.

Ava nods and hurries to get two glasses, after that, she finds Connor in a corner of the terrace, almost hidden from the rest of the people.

“You were great today. You saw Kate kissing her new boyfriend a few times and you didn't freak out. A big step for today,” she says, tapping her glass on his, in a sarcastic and friendly toast, as only she can do.

Connor laughs, "Yeah, I didn't feel like dying at all."

“Things will get easier from now on, at some point you will forget Kate and she will be a memory. A good and a bad memory at the same time.”

"I know, but I can't help thinking that I spent 8 years of my life with Kate and it looks like... I wasted it." Connor looks at the New York cityscape, feeling grateful for a few seconds for the chance to live there. “I wasted so many moments, so many experiences. I was 23 when I met Kate, I had everything to live life in the most intense way possible, and even so, I decided to stay with her. What does that mean?"

“That you are romantic and you loved Kate. You are not the guy who goes out with several girls. Not even in high school were you like that and you had all the potential for that.”

"Potential?"

Ava rolls her eyes laughing, taking a sip of beer, “Come on, you knew you were popular and handsome. Every girl wanted to go out with you. The girls were jealous of me for being your best friend.”

"And the boys were jealous of me for being your best friend."

"Oh really?" Ava's eyes widen, almost choking on her drink, “Were there people in high school who wanted to kiss me? This is brand new information, how come you never told me before?”

Connor looks at Ava, and can't say if it's a little bit of the drink, if it was the memory of what Ava was like in high school, or just desire, but he decides that maybe it's time to be the friend with benefits she wants, “Do you want to go to my apartment?”

Ava opens her mouth to say yes, and then notices Connor's intentions in his eyes. For a minute, her stomach feels cold. Planning to have sex with him is different from happening spontaneously, but there was a deal between them, and she couldn't help but give this new experience a chance. "Yes, I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So why don't we go out and get a drink in the west end  
Smoke a cigarette and talk shit about exes  
Take a couples shots and see where the night ends"
> 
> Virginia to Vegas, 'Just Friends'


End file.
